As of September 16, we’ve been married a month. Here are five things I’ve noticed since then:
1. Holy crap, I’m glad this is real life and not Gone Girl. (But check back with us in five years?)
2. One of our wedding readings was this excerpt from Jazz by Toni Morrison. Since we got married, I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s not our vows, but in a way I find more promise in it than if it had been. The relief of being “inward toward the other,” of there being “no stud’s eye, no chippie glance to undo them,” is profound.
Popular culture spends a lot of time telling women that we’re Doing It Wrong, especially when “it” is relationships. And it’s awful. It sucks. Being told how much I suck at performing traditional heteronormative woman-as-object femininity sucks. Which is precisely why Toni Morrison’s words mean so much to me. Because for the first time in my life, I feel sufficiently safe to believe that they’re true.
3. Misogynist catalogs of my failures as a woman, however, are no longer anxiety-producing in the slightest. Now they offer only pure unbridled LOLarity.
4. Romance and marriage are still hella sexist institutions, though, often to the detriment of the female half of a heterosexual pair. Consider, for example, this wedding that the bride didn’t know about until she arrived at it – super-romantic of the groom to do all that, right? …But if the roles were reversed, we’d peg the bride not as “super-romantic,” but as a creepy man-shackling stalker. (Doubt me? See these “hilarious” cake toppers:
5. Not everyone who wants to know if I’m changing my name has a DEEP PERSONAL INTEREST in the answer. Some of them just want to make sure they spell it right on the check they’re giving us as a wedding gift. 🙂